


For Everything a Reason

by WritingWinchesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-03-22 01:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3710191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingWinchesters/pseuds/WritingWinchesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The angels are after Sam. He doesn't know why but he knows he is in danger. Dean and Reader will do anything to protect him, even if that means risking themselves. So, he makes a choice, the only one he can think off to keep his brother and girlfriend safe. How will Reader and Dean cope with the fallout of Sam's decision...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean and I sat side by side in the front of the Impala. Facing firmly forward, he had a slight frown on his face from concentrating on the road ahead. It wasn’t necessary. The road would take us where we needed to go.

I watched out of the window, taking in the surroundings. We were driving through a little piece of paradise. Tall oaks lined the road with their leaves the golden yellows and oranges of autumn. The sun hung low in the sky; it’s soft, dappled light creating patterns on the road as it fell through the trees. What I’d noticed most of all was how quiet it was out there, beyond the confines of the car. As if in a bid not to disturb the peace, Dean had even turned the volume on the stereo down to a barely audible whisper.

My mind began to wander and I realised that I couldn’t remember seeing a single bird, person, or any other sign of life for that matter. I wasn’t even sure how long we’d been driving for anymore. Time seemed to move differently here. All that I did know was that nothing had changed. The sun hadn’t moved in the sky and the view had been constant. I could almost believe that I was in a movie with the car in front of a backdrop. It was only the steady rumble of the engine that convinced me otherwise.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of Dean clearing his throat. Glancing over, I could see that his jaw was clenched. I realised I had been clicking my fingers again, something that had always irritated him, and I forced myself to stop by sliding my hands, palm down, under my thighs.

It was a nervous habit I had, the clicking. Normally, Sam would have noticed before Dean could get too irritated. He would reach out and cover both my hands with his large one, give me little squeeze and whisper, ‘It’s ok. I’ve got you’. A small gesture but one that had always made me feel safe, a reminder that he was right by my side. Only this time he wasn’t. There was no reassurance from Sam, just Dean and his stony silence. I tried not to take it personally and usually, of course, the two of us got on great. But these weren’t usual circumstances. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure if it would even make me feel any better if he did try to speak to me. We were both feeling tense as we drove down this road; wondering when we would reach the end and yet scared of what we might find when we got there. We both knew what was at stake. Sam. And it terrified us.

I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, Dean was gently shaking my shoulder.

‘Y/N. Come on, we’re here,’ he whispered. I rubbed my eyes to clear the sleep from them as I turned to face Dean. His jaw was set and his lips pursed. He looked determined though I could still see a glimmer of worry in his eyes.

I lifted my head and peered through hazy eyes out of the windscreen. We now seemed to be in the middle of the wood, in a small clearing. The same large oaks still surrounded us.

‘You ready for this?’ he asked. I took a deep breath and gave him a small nod. We both climbed out of the car and I stretched a little as I scanned the area.

‘So this is the place. Our final destination,’ I mumbled to myself. It was still deathly quiet and I was almost frightened to make any noise. Something was off about our new setting, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I continued to look around the clearing, wondering what was missing. Then it hit me; the road was gone.

I spun around to where I’d last seen Dean, scouting the edges of the area but jumped when I realised he was now stood directly behind me. He grabbed my wrist in his hand to steady me. His eyebrows were drawn together and a hard look was on his face. My eyes widened with confusion and I felt the familiar prickle of fear creep up my neck. I’d been on too many hunts with Dean to know that this look signalled danger.

‘Uh, Dean? How did we get here? Where did the road go? I thought we needed to follow the road?’ I whispered urgently. He didn’t respond. He just raised a finger to his lips, indicating that I should be silent. Dean began to move towards the edge of the clearing and I kept close behind him. I felt exposed as we moved away from the protection and familiarity of the car and I instinctively reached for my gun. It wasn’t there. Of course not, we didn’t have any weapons with us. Not here.

Dean stopped when we were just inside the border of the trees, crouching low and I followed suit. He indicated with a jerk of his head towards two figures standing a short distance away from us, deeper into the wood. My breathing hitched as I recognised the one on his knees to be Sam. A feeling of relief flooded me though it was tinged with terror at the sight of the other man. Whoever Sam was with had his back to us so it was hard to make out but I could see that he was tall and clad all in black. The shadows almost appeared darker where they fell on him and just looking at him sent an unpleasant chill down my spine.

We watched with bated breath as Sam and the mysterious stranger talked but they were too far away to hear what was being said. Then Sam’s head dropped and the man before him began to lift his hands, strange, white balls of light starting to form in his palms. Dean and I both leapt up, breaking into a run towards them.

‘Sammy!’ I heard Dean shout from beside me.

Suddenly, the lights seemed to burst, expanding into an intense, blinding force. Dean’s weight crashed on top of me in an attempt to shield me but I fought against him, desperate to reach Sam. With my eyes squeezed tightly shut and one arm across my face, I struggled to keep moving towards Sam. My other arm flailed wildly in front of me, trying to feel for the trees. Then, as quickly as it had arrived, the light stopped. I opened my eyes to see Sam, now standing and alone, mere feet from me.

‘Y/N? Dean?’


	2. Chapter 2

As if his voice was my cue, I crossed the short distance between us and bounded into his arms. He squeezed me back, pulling me into him until I could hardly breathe.

He pulled away slightly and grasped my face in his hands, his eyes roving my features taking in every detail as if he was trying to memorise then.

‘Who was that man?’ Dean interrupted, ‘Sam, what have you done?’ His tone was dangerous.

Sam ignored his questions; instead he continued to look at me. The intensity was disconcerting.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asked me, almost in a whisper.

I reached up to take his hands in my own and lower them from my face, holding them between us.

‘Sam, we need to talk.’ I said gently. ‘Please listen to Dean. There’s something you need to know.’

He slowly tore his gaze from me and turned to Dean, a strange expression on his face.

‘You’re hurt, Sam. We were ambushed by some dickbag angels. For some reason they wanted you. We managed to get away but not before they’d had the chance to do some damage. Me and Y/N only had a few scratches you got banged up pretty bad. You were all carved up and bleeding and-’ Dean closed his eyes for a second and took a breath. ‘Well, anyway, you were brought into the hospital. There was nothing we could do about it but now we need to get you out of there. You’re unconscious, Sam but we really need you to wake up man. They’re coming and we need to get you back to the bunker where you’ll be safe.’

‘I’m so sorry, Sam.’ I squeezed his hands in a gesture similar to the one he used with me, letting him know that everything would be ok.

Dean and I fell silent, waiting for Sam to process what we’d told him.

‘Dream root?’ he finally asked.

Dean nodded.

‘And it’s definitely you two, huh?’

Dean stepped forward to clap Sam’s shoulder.

‘Yeah buddy, Poughkeepsie. But you gotta wake up first, alright?’

Sam gave us both a grim smile.

‘No,’ he paused, ‘I need you both to leave now.’

‘Sorry, what? Sam, didn’t you hear what Dean said?’

‘I did, and it’s ok. I know what happened. I remember it all. I know you’re in my head and I need you both to go,’ he continued, very calmly.

My eyes widened as I looked from Sam to Dean.

‘You need to let me go. I’m not going to wake up guys.’

I dropped his hand and stepped away from him, back towards Dean. I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing.

‘What are you talking about?!’ I could hear the panic in my voice as I spoke, ‘Dean, do something! What is he saying?’

I started to take deep, gulping breaths, my heart was racing in my chest and I felt faint. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and I gripped his jacket to steady myself.

‘It was him, wasn’t it? That man? It was Death.’ Dean asked him.

Sam gave a small nod and I felt my knees grow felt weak beneath me.

‘You’re a freaking idiot, you know that? What is wrong with you?’ Dean spat out and I could tell he was fighting to hold back his building anger. His body hummed with tension, vibrating through to the hand he still had placed on my shoulder. His grip hardened and I felt like he was using me to steady himself just as much as I was using him.

‘For whatever reason, those angels were after me. This was the only option. They take me, and you guys can be safe.’

‘Godammit, Sam! You sorry son of a bitch! I can’t even look at you,’ Dean exploded. He turned on his heel and stalked away from us. He was quite a distance from us when he stopped, though still in view. He was pacing slightly where he stood, his shoulders hunched up and his head down. I watched as he kicked at the ground and for a second, I was glad that we didn’t have any weapons here in Sam’s head.

Sam took a breath and made to step towards me but I flinched away. I regretted it instantly as I saw the pain fleet across his face but I was struggling to comprehend the situation. I didn’t know what I was expecting when me and Dean had decided to try the Dream Root but it certainly wasn’t this.

‘I made a deal, Y/N. Please don’t be angry with me. It was the only thing I could do to save you.’

I pressed my lips into a hard line and he sighed.

‘It doesn’t make sense, Sam.’

‘I know.’ His head tilted down and I fought back the urge to reach out to him.

‘Go talk to Dean.’

He didn’t look up, just made his way silently over. For someone so tall, I’ve never seen him look so small as he did when he reached his older brother. I watched the two of them argue; Dean standing strong, hands gesturing wildly while Sam’s posture remained open to all Dean verbally threw at him. Dean’s raised voice echoed back to me a few times though I never heard Sam. I winced each time he shoved Sam, but he didn’t retaliate. Then it stopped. They both went still for a beat before embracing each other in a tight hug. My insides twisted, wondering what the outcome would be, which brother had won, so to speak. As they moved back towards me, my heart fell. Dean’s expression told me all I needed to know. We’d lost.

Dean stopped a few feet from me though Sam continued until he was in front of me. Sam wrapped his arms around me and I allowed him to hold me. Just past his shoulder, I saw Dean rub his face and look up at the sky. I wondered if he was trying to pray again; appeal to the angels one last time. Dean’s eyes met mine and his mouth twitched. I knew then that there was no use in fighting it. I couldn’t waste the final moments I had left with Sam. I finally snaked my arms around his waist and he let out a small moan of relief that I was hugging him back. I felt his lips against my forehead as he planted a soft kiss.

He leant back from me after a few seconds, his hands on my hips and I clung to the bottom of his shirt. I resisted looking in his eyes as he spoke, focussing instead on his mouth. He wetted his lips slightly before he started.

‘I know you don’t understand what is going on right now and you have to believe that I’m sorry for putting you through this baby. Right now though, I need you to trust me. Do you trust me, Y/N?’

‘Yes.’

‘The decision I’ve made wasn’t easy but it was my only option. Time moves differently here, so know that I have thought about this. This needed to happen. It will become clear one day and you’ll know why but for now, I need you to be strong.’

He tucked my hair behind my ear and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. I dared to meet his gaze and my heart felt like it would burst. How was I supposed to live without this man? How could this be the last time I saw him or felt his touch? I bit back the tears that stung my eyes and threatened to fall.

‘Y/N, I’ve spoken to Dean and I need you to promise me the same thing. Don’t try to bring me back.’

‘What? No, Sam! I-’

‘Promise me.’ His voice was firm.

I glanced across at Dean. I could see that he was struggling to hold it together too. I wondered what Sam had told him to get him to promise this. I knew there had been a time before that Dean had tried to live without him. Would we really be able to do this?

I looked back up at Sam with teary eyes. His face was so pure, his expression so sincere. I believed that he thought his intentions were the best possible option. I trusted him and his choices but by God, I was not happy with it. This man was everything to me. My rock. It felt like the hardest thing I’d had to do but I nodded my head.

‘Thank you,’ he said and he leant his head against my hair. My arms reached back around him, gripping him tight.

‘You need to be strong for Dean too. I want you to look after each other, ok?’ he whispered, ‘You’re so similar. Both stubborn, and bottle your feelings. Support each other. Try and to let him in.’

I listened to his hushed voice as he spoke, his warm breath tickling my hair. I inhaled his scent, the mix of laundry detergent, his cologne and something inherently Sam. I wanted to remember exactly how this moment felt.

‘I love you Y/N. I always will. Keep fighting. Always keep fighting.’

Something shifted in the air and we parted again, knowing that our time was up. He cupped my face with one hand and I gave him a sad smile as I let go of his shirt.

‘I love you Sam Winchester. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.’

He smiled back and I took one last look at the kind, adoring face of the man I loved. My eyes closed and I pressed my cheek into his hand. The feeling of his touch began to fade and I knew before I opened my eyes that he was gone.

I came to on the hospital room floor. Pulling myself to a sitting position, I looked over to where Dean was sat leaning against the wall, his arms resting on his knees and his head held in his hands. He had a crestfallen look on his face and although he was looking in my direction, he didn’t seem to see me. I watched him open his mouth a couple of times as if to say something but no words came. He looked broken. Empty. I wondered if I looked the same because his face completely mirrored how I felt.

After a few more seconds of silence, I couldn’t take it anymore. I climbed to my feet and walked past the empty hospital bed and straight out of the door. I kept walking down the corridor towards the exit. A nurse tried to stop me, probably concerned that I was injured. I was still wearing a blood soaked jacket after all but I ignored her. I didn’t apologise as I bumped her shoulder.

I passed through the exit and the fresh air hit me. My knees felt weak and I began to cry but I forced myself to keep going. I was vaguely aware of my name being shouted from behind me. Ignoring it, I marched out of the car park and onto the main road. There was no stopping me. I couldn’t turn back now.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been walking for and I couldn’t remember when I’d stopped crying. Time felt just as strange as it had in Sam’s mind. Sam. I swallowed back the tears at the thought of him. Instead, I tried to focus on the way my feet ached and the burning sensation in my calves. Anything not to think about the pain in my heart.

I became aware of a car slowing next to me but I didn’t turn to look. I already knew who it was.

‘Y/N? Y/N!’

I stole a quick glance to see him cruising the car alongside me trying to keep with my pace, though the engine whined in protest at the slow speed. He had the window rolled down and was he leaning on it with one arm, the other steady on the wheel.

‘Hey, come on, you can’t walk the whole way,’ he tried again and I could tell he was struggling to keep his tone even and gentle. I kept my head forward, determined not to face him again. I didn’t want to look at the car. It had felt empty with just the two of us before but now the idea threatened to overwhelm me.

‘Christ, Y/N! Get in the goddamn car before I put you in it myself!’ he exclaimed. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him.

‘You think I want this, Dean? You think I want to walk until my feet bleed?’ I shouted back and I saw him recoil slightly, though his expression remained hard. ‘I can’t! I can’t get in the stupid car, ok?’ My eyes began to sting as the tears threatened to return in full force. ‘Where am I supposed to sit, huh? I can’t sit in his seat and I can’t look at the empty space from the back. I-‘

The tears flowed freely now. I stood there with my face in my hands, my body shaking as I sobbed. I heard the driver’s door open before a pair of strong arms enveloped me in a tight hug. I slipped my own arms under his and squeezed him back, gripping tightly to his shoulders as I wept into him. He buried his face in my neck. I knew he had begun to cry too when I felt his warm tears fall against my skin.

‘I know,’ he whispered softly in my ear, ‘I know.’


	3. Chapter 3

_‘You packed?’ Sam asked me as he bustled around the room, chucking a few more bits into his bag and zipping it up._

_‘Yep. I’m ready to go, and you? You sure you’ve got everything?’_

_‘Uh huh,’ Sam replied spinning round to face me, ‘well, except for that of course’ he finished with a sheepish grin, pointing at the cell phone I was holding in my hand._

_He made to grab it from me but I moved my arm back, encouraging him to come closer. He stepped forward so our bodies were flush and slipped one arm around my waist, bending down to meet my lips with his as he took the phone from my hand._

_‘You’re welcome,’ I smirked up at him, putting my hands on his chest and tiptoeing up for another kiss._

_‘Jeez, come on guys!’ Dean groaned as he came into the room._

_I broke away from Sam though he still kept one arm around me as he laughed at Dean._

_‘Whatever dude, as if you wouldn’t be all over her too.’ He started to pull me back in but I swatted him on the arm._

_‘Ok, enough. Let’s get going.’_

_The three of us made our way out of the bunker and to the Impala. I settled in the back while Sam and Dean loaded our duffels into the trunk before climbing into the front seat. Looking through the window at the rising sun, I felt a familiar buzz begin in my chest, excitement at being out on a hunt.  
_

_‘Feels good to break the dry spell, huh guys?’ I asked as Dean started the engine and pulled away, heading out onto the open road._

_Sam snorted, ‘I don’t think Dean’s broken his just yet, how long has it been since the last girl?’_

_‘Shut up!’ Dean growled, jabbing at Sam’s side with his hand._

_‘Seriously though, it’s been what, 6? 7 weeks since the last hunt?’ I leant forward in my seat, ‘I feel like I’ve been going crazy!’_

_‘Well, don’t get too excited. It’s only a simple salt and burn, should be a pretty quick job. I wouldn’t be surprised if we were back by nightfall,’ Dean replied._

_‘Better than nothing!’ I grinned._

_‘Look at that, Sam. Why can’t you be more like her, huh?’_

_‘You know me, boys. Always looking on the bright side.’ I said with a wink._

_‘Nah, I meant easily pleased,’ Dean teased. I caught his eye in the rear view mirror and shot him a playful glare._

_‘Surely if that were true, I’d be dating you,’_

_Sam let out a low whistle and high fived me and though Dean frowned he couldn't quite hide the little quirk at the corners of his mouth._

_'Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I'm done talking to you loved-up losers,' he scoffed as turned on the stereo._

_I rested my chin on Sam’s shoulder, my arms draping loosely over his chest and he turned his head slightly to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. A content smile graced my lips. Listening to the brothers humming along with the music, I was back in my favourite place; on the road, in the Impala and with my two favourite people in the world._

* * *

Dean had managed to coax me into the car but for my own sanity, I had to zone out on the drive. A place that had only hours ago been a place of comfort, a second home, now made me feel empty. It was a harsh reminder of what I had lost. I couldn't even imagine how Dean was feeling, after all the two of them had practically grown up in the thing.

When we reached the bunker, I wasn’t at all surprised to see Dean heading straight for the kitchen. He was probably looking for a drink and I was half tempted to join him. I thought back to my last moments with Sam, _‘You need to be strong for Dean too. Support each other.’_

I hesitated but I couldn’t bring myself to follow him.

‘Sorry Sam,’ I whispered to myself and instead, I made my way to the bedroom I shared with Sam. I pushed the door wide but I didn’t go in.

My eyes scanned the room and the horrible ache in my heart, which I was quickly becoming accustomed to, returned. I could see his laptop sat open on the desk, notes he’d been making stacked neatly in a pile next to it. A crumpled shirt lay on top of the laundry basket where he’d tossed it the night before, ready to be washed. One of his hoodies, the one I’d commandeered as my own, lay folded on my pillow. Sam would have placed it there before we all left this morning, knowing I’d want to wear it to bed, as usual after a hunt. Emotion flooded through my veins looking at all these ordinary things and habits that I would never experience with Sam again. I felt sure I would die from the pain. I forced myself into the room, stopping only to grab his shirt from the basket as I made my way to the bed.

Crawling between the soft sheets was bittersweet. My body felt instantly more relaxed to be back in a familiar surrounding but my head and my heart knew it would never be the same. I would never be able to reach over and feel Sam sleeping beside me. I would never fall asleep on his chest with his fingers running through my hair. Never wake to his sleepy smile. I shuffled to his side of the bed, something I’d always done on the rare occasion he went away without me. It made me feel closer to him somehow. I clung to his shirt, teasing the material between my fingers as I buried my face into his pillow. Fresh tears began to fill my eyes yet again but I bit them back. I was tired of crying. It felt like I hadn’t stopped. I was surprised I even had any tears left.

I didn’t sleep well. I tossed and turned with images of Sam flashing through my mind. I woke feeling, if possible, worse than before. My eyes were stinging from all the crying I’d been doing and there was a dull ache in my brain. Glancing at the bedside clock, I realised only an hour had passed. It seemed that I wouldn’t be getting any rest despite how drained I felt.

 

 


End file.
